Me again
by daybeforenight
Summary: Rachel keeps a diary of her thoughts and feelings and she is under so much pressure shes on the edge, now with Quinns diary
1. Chapter 1

Me again and here we go.

Summary: Rachel is under so much pressure she's on the edge, every day she keeps a diary of what happens and how she feels its really a diary of her thoughts and feelings, what happens when a certain cheerio finds it.

I do not own the characters our Glee.

Diary entry :Monday 

I feel lonely..People think that just because I keep my head up high when they taunt me that it does not hurt, they don't realize that when I go home, I go home to an empty house I sit there and listen…"silence is defining" I guess I get that now. I miss dad and daddy a lot but I know their happy and that's the main thing this week there in L.A. , I still miss them though.

I don't know how much more I can take at school, I try my best to ignore them but it still gets to me…But it hurts especially from her, she looked so beautiful today ,then again every day she does, she had her favorite book with her today how I know that is because it worn and some pages are dog eared…it hurts more when she says mean things to me its like a part of me is being chipped away slowly and painfully.

Yet again I sit here another day down, but what occurred to me was , what am I counting down to…I haven't any friends and glee club only wants me for my voice, I came across a really nice song today at lunch where I went to my haunt the library its called stolen by dashboard confessional , that was the high of my day and it quickly ended when some jocks came in and started standing around me and pressing the keys on the computer anyway.

It really is getting to me though I don't know how much more I can take….

I cant wait for Broadway to rescue me from this place, I know I have two years left to get out of here but a person can only take so much.

Note to self: stay strong your going to get out of here…...

But as I said there is only so much I can take before I crack- R*

Okay so there it is...

Im also thinking of Quinn keeping a diary anyway

review, review, review!please!11


	2. Chapter 2

okay here is chapter 2 and has both Quinn and Rachels diarys...I do not own Glee or the Characters. 

Tuesday

(Rachels Diary)

Me again,

My English teacher asked us today where do you see yourselves in 5 years time and went around the class, the usual was said; taking over a business etc, and when it came to me I could not say anything because I do not see it...In a perfect world I would have said Broadway its not like I got the chance to say anything anyway as Santanna shouted out a tranny convention and everyone laughed...that really hurt and I had to bite my tongue to stop the tears from falling...

Daddy rang today and said their gonna be another week in LA, meaning I was going home to an empty house again, that was the icing on the cake for my breakdown I had in my car.

Glee was a waste of my time today I think I wont bother going anymore...whats the point I only get shouted at by Mercedes for being a diva or laughed at by Santanna.

3 she walked by me today and smiled a little smile, it melted my heart...If only I was strong enough to approch her and say hi, who am I kidding she probably pities me..

.I had some bad thoughts today..and it scared me..

Anyway that was my day today R*

Tuesday

(Quinns Diary)

Shes all I thought about today..she had that owl sweater on...she looked so adorable I just wanted to go over a take her in my arms and hold her and never let go.

English class where do I start.. I could have hit Santana for what she said to Rachel.. it scared me how close I was to doing it, what scared me more was that Rach did not answer the is destined for Broadway and it hurt my soul when I saw here hold back tears... I hate that I can cause those tears but that could also be me if I stopped them at Rach...Im such a coward.

I've also noticed she has lost weight, not that she needs to! she is so beautiful the way she is,but its something I must keep an eye on..

One day I will tell her how I feel about her...

Q.

Okay hope you liked it please review!


	3. Chapter 3

Wednesday

Rachel's diary

Me again,

I walked into school today and was met by a slushy by Karosky... at lease it was grape, what was even worse was when he high fived his friends and laughed and then taunted me as I walked to my locker to get my slushy kit and what was worse was Quinn was by my locker with an unreadable expression on her face and took one look a me and walked away...what was also strange when I got home was that my sweater was missing...not that it makes any difference it was ruined and would have to have been thrown away,I really liked that sweater it had a really cute rabbi on it anyway...

I did not go to glee today instead I went for a drive around town, just to clear my head I don't think I can take these feeling anymore and while I was driving I thought about if I was not here did not exist did not walk down those hallways would anyone miss me...would they know I was gone.

Anyway thats it for now R*

Wednesday

Quinns diary

What a day, first Rachel is covered in slushy and secondly she does not turn up to glee, at least Karosky wont be able to open his eye or walk without being in pain, and I also called a slushy ban on Rach...at least I can protect her that way for now.I saw Rach's sweater was ruined and I LOVE that one. So I broke into her locker and took it so I could get in washed now I have to figure a way to put in back in there...

Mom asked me if there are any guys I like and I said was there is this one person I really like... I'm thinking of telling her that I like girls but I don"t know how she will take it.

Rach wasn't in Glee today...and she never misses Glee..so I drove by her house on my way home and just saw her car in the driveway I wonder where her Dads are?

She also looked tired today and I just wanted to take her home and snuggle with her on the couch...Hope fully one day I will be able to.

That"s it for now

Q.


	4. Chapter 4

Thursday

(OKAY GUYS THIS IS KIND OF A TRIGGER WARNING SO YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)

Rachel's diary

Me again,

Today was like the weather...horrible. Santanna, Mercedes and Kurt ganged up on me when I was at my locker asking me why I was not at glee and the conversation was very much one sided with some input from Kurt and Mercedes and went along the lines of 'if it wasn't for your voice no one would want you and even with your voice maybe if your lucky Jewfro might want you if your lucky...what was the final nail in the coffin was when she whispered in my ear and said so no one could hear was no even Quinn...and that lead me to this moment.I just ran out of school and home before I let the tears fall...

I cut myself today they say your supposed to feel better after it but I didn't maybe I did it wrong...

That's it for now

R*

Quinn's Diary

I couldn't find Rach today...and then I heard Santana laughing down the hallway and that's never a good sign and when she told me what she said to Rach I just walked away and looked for her in school but then Santana said she ran home...my heart broke...crushed it.. So snuck her jumper that I got washed back into her locker and wrote a note on a piece of paper...You are beautiful, keep that head up high Rach x...

That's it for now..

Q

Let me know what you think

Review Please!

Thanks.


	5. Chapter 5

Rachel's Diary

Friday

Me again,

I guess I can confirm that Quinn really is my dream girl as I had a dream about here last night...It was just was agonizingly perfect and I can still feel the feelings I had in that dream and I can see it from every angle..the way see took my hand and we snuggled on the couch, and the way she kissed the side of my head as we settled down to watch a movie...and the way she took my hand so gently and in-twined our fingers as she pulled me of the couch and guided us up to my bedroom and gave me the most softest heart melting kiss before we went to get changed and as we lay together entangled together on my bed and she whispers the words I love you Rach and kisses the top of my head as we go to sleep... Now that's what I call a dream...

I also found a really sweet note in my locker and it made my day...

-R*

Quinn'Diary

Friday.

I asked Santanna how did she know she was Gay and she told me when you think about the person you like first thing in the morning and last thing at night...I think I'll tell my mom tomorrow...

Best get some sleep for that...

-Q

Review Please!


	6. Chapter 6

Saturday

Rachels Diary.

I woke up this morning later than I usulally do on a Saturday...I did an extra hour on my work out...maybe if I loose some weight I might feel better.

Did my usual thing today had breakfast ,sang a bit watched some T.v and now I find myself sitting in the lliving room looking outside..I see some kids playing and parents talking...and I think I just saw Quinn but that would be wishful thinking..Dad and Daddys plane did not take of due to weather conditions and could be stranded for a few day's...I hope not I dont think I can cope anymore...

I never realised how loud the tick on a clock is.

-R.

Quinns Diary.

So I told my Mom.

There were tears but not of anger but of relief...My Mom said she was so happy that I finally said it, I really cant believe it and she said the only reason she kept asking about boys was to help me 'come out' in my own way...give me that push just to say it.

Mom also asked me if it was Rah I liked...I was gob smaked and mom said that I talk about herall the time and that I look so happy when I talk about her.

So,I went to go to Rach's house today and I saw that her dads ar wasen't there, so I was like okay I an do this..Just walk up to her and be like...I totally freaked out and went home...

But Monday I will walk up to Rach ,be friends hopefully and take it from there.

At least now I can put plan 'Faberry' into operation!

-Q

**Okay guys that's it for now guys , Hopefully I will have another chap up this week all going well!**

**Review please!**


	7. Chapter 7

Sunday

Rachels diary

They say life has it's up's and downs...I think they forgot to put the happiness in mine,Dad and Daddy wont be back till Thursday now all going well.

I cried so much last night to the point I had a panic attack.I just get so lonely it hurts its like a part of me is gone,I feel worthless...a part of me is why I even bother, its only going to get worse the taunts and slushys, but then the other part me sees that at least they see me, like im not invisable..A part of me craves school for human contact how sad is that!

I dream of a perfect life, Quinn me and our 3 daughters, in an apartment in New York Quinn a doctor and im on Broadway..it always makes me smile...

Im gonna do this week...and then that's it I think.

R*

Quinns Diary

I told Santanna today and she was like 'about time bitch,but I hate the dwarf', Lets just say Santanna likes Rachel now and wont be at her anymore!

Plan of action

1. stop all bullying on Rach

friends

3. woo Rach

5 marriage

6.3 daughters

7. amazing life together!

One step at a time!

Watch out my beautiful little star im coming for you!

-Q.

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Okay let me know what u think!

Reviews keep me motivated to write sooner!

coming soon to a Chapter near you: Quinn will find Rachs diary


	8. Chapter 8

Monday

Rachel's Diary

Me again,

I woke up with that feeling of something bad was going to happen today, and guess what! it did.

Today was different a good different and yet a bad kind of different...no one spoke to me today not that they usually did but there was not even a taunt...I felt invisible,its like they saw me, but they did'nt ..like they saw through me.

And then daddy rang me saying that they wont be back this week that they have a meeting and stuff to do...I did not really hear what daddy said as I was trying to hold back my tears...I just hid my face in my locker as they told me so no one would see my heart being torn to pieces...

Its like if I stood in a room of people and screamed to the top of my lungs,no one would hear me, guess im going home again to an empty house...at least theirs a Barbra marathon on tonight...

**(later at home)**

Earlier when I was writing in my diary in school Quinn came over to me and spoke to me!she is so beautiful all she said was 'Hi Rach' and she had an adorable red hue on her cheeks, it melted my heart...I just want to be able to walk up to her and take her hand and kiss her cheek,and least she said hi, I never taught that would happen.

I think my last week might be a good one, even Santana gave me a 'sup Berry'

Anyway

-R*

Quinn's Diary 

I did it i finally did it I spoke to Rach even if it was only a hi, God her eyes so beautiful but their was a sadness in them that did not settle well with me..I saw her on her phone earlier but could not see her face as it was hid in her locker,but I saw her shoulder's tense like she was trying to compose herself I guess.

I just want to wrap her up in my arms and hold her like the perfection she is...she is the definition of beauty.

Im gonna try and get her back to Glee as well it's where she belongs, I can see it in her eyes when shes in Glee.

Okay tomorrow im gonna sit with Rach and ask can we start over as if we never met.

Till tomorrow beautiful

Also I noticed Rach carries a diary of sort around with her... interesting

-Q

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Okay guys hope you liked it ,

Review please!

Hopefully I will have the tine to make them longer and more often all going well

That's it for now

-daybeforenight x


	9. Chapter 9

Tuesday

Rachels Diary

Me again,

I had that moment people talk about when the whole room simply stops like everything in the room fades away and you are zoned in on one thing...that happened to me today in the library.

I was just sitting down at a table looking at some sheet music when it happened, Quinn came over to me anD was like'can I sit here',and all I could do was simply nod my head, she had that adorable red hue on her cheeks again...Quinn was the first person that spoke to me today and what surprised me even more is she seemed nervous.

Quinn asked me if we could start over as if we never met..a part of me wanted to jump at the chance but I could'nt help but look around for a slushy to come my way like it was some cruel joke.

So I said okay I dont know why maybe its because I am in love with her or if I wanted to have some company for my last week...

So Quinns coming to my house tomorrow...a part of me is like this has to be a joke but a part of me wants to see what it would be like to actually have someone with me at home...and yet I want to see how I would feel with Quinn being with me on my last week...like my final wish or something...

-Rach*

Quinns Diary

So I finally found Rachel in the library..sitting on her own, she looked so vulnerable...lonely. So I was like now or never so I put step 2 of plan faberry into action...

Rach at first looked like she was going to say yes straight away but then I saw her look around ...I can't blame her she probably taught it was some cruel joke... Eventually what seemed like days later she said okay..I was happy dancing inside so I left with a happy smile and a bounce in my step as I walked out of the library with moi going to Rachs house tomorrow!

Im going to Rachel's house tomorrow... panicking now...

Till tomorrow my love.

-Q*

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Please give me a Review!


	10. Chapter 10

Wednesday

Rachel's diary

Me again,

What a day! So last night was a night I would like to forget.

Someone threw a brick through the front window...while I was watching t.v on the couch, that's why im supporting a large bandage above my eyebrow now , I dont know what is worse is that I felt no pain from the cut or the fact that attached to the brick were cruel words about my fathers...

After the hospital visit which felt like a life time wait, I finally was able to clean up the place at lesat the police were nice enough to help board up the window for me...they were really kind to me I think they pitied me though for when they asked were my parents were and after I told them their was pity in their eyes and also the fact that they asked if I had any friend to come over I just simply shook my head...

I do not think I went to sleep at all last night...

And then this morning when I was walking to school a car pulled up beside me and was amizo saying 'did you have a good night last night' and then winked at me...that sent shivers up my spine...

And then the most strange but heart warming thing happened, Quinn Fabray saw me in the hallway and literally ran to me and took me in her arms and whispered in my ear 'What happened, Rach?'...

I was so stunned by her actions that literally my mouth could not open to reply, so I just held her tighter as if she was the last person I would see and feel...because I really dont think I can lastt till the end of this week after what happened last night...

But then Quinn took my bag and reached for my hand to take...mind you this was in a hallway full of people and said'Come on...lets get out of here' I simply noded and took it and felt electricity run up and down my hand and my heart felt warm...

So Quinn took me to my house and I could see the turmoil on her face when she saw the window boarded up...

She was so sweet and kind and gentle...and she gently pulled me down on the couch and took my face in her hands and was like'talk to me Rach' so I told her...what happened last night and saw those beautiful eyes turn from a beautiful shade of hazel to a light grenn/hazel colour and back again..Quinn softly took my hand and kissed the back of it...and then cleaned my cut...

We watched a movie and then we had something to eat...

Then Quinn had to go home with the promise of picking me up tomorrow...

And now the door bell rang just rang...

-R*

Quinns Diary

I have never felt so scared in my whole life, when I saw Rach in the hallway with that large bandage above her eyebrow, I just froze on the spot and my heart just broke ... and then I just ran to her and took her into my arms...It felt so right having her in my arms just perfection...

When I saw the boarded up window my soul went cold, and when Rach finally told me and what happened last night and on the way to school...I was furious and then I had to hold back because I had to make sure Rach was okay...she was safe...

So we watched a movie and all I wanted to do was reach out and snuggle with her...hopefully some day!

So then I had to come home but found out that Mom had to stay late at work so now Im going to go to Rach's because something doesen't feel right...

Till later my gorgeous star

-Q.

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Okay guys sorry for the wait!

Please leave me a review it gives me motivation!

I wonder who will be at the door! hmmmmmmmmm

Thanks


	11. Chapter 11

Thursday

Rachels Diary

Me again,

I have mixed emotions now...One of pure happiness and the other is a mixture of sadness and a feeling of finality.

Dad and Daddy were at the door, I was so happy to see them that I just burst it to tears and ran into there arms...I missed them so much!

But then they had to go again a few hours later for another business trip...they looked so broken when they left saying they were sorry for leaving me again etc...but I just put on a brave face and said it was okay and that I understand, I do not want then to feel guilty because of what they do...I love them soo much...

When they were leaving I gave them a big hug each and just tightened my hold on them and told them I love them and held them longer...because this will probably be the last time I see them...I cant cope being here anymore in an empty house...in a way this house is like me...empty...

I know I said that I would wait to the end of the week but why bother, at least one of my dreams came through and Quinn acknowledged me, but not even that but hugged me and kept me close to her,that is way more than I could ever ask for...and shes gonna pick me up tomorrow I still think its some joke but at least I was close to her.

Im gonna start my letter...and one for Quinn...

In case anyone ever finds this...

The end is near Rach...

-R*.

Quinns Diary

I was nearly at Rach's house when I saw a black jeep pull up I walked just that bit faster in case it was Amizo again...but then I saw 2 men step out of it and then Rach jumping into their arms it must be her Dads...I decided not to interfere in the moment and decided to go home...

I don't know what it is but something dosent feel right...its like a turn in my stomach and chest...

Im gonna call Puck now and Santanna to knock some sence into Amizo for hurting my Rach...

At least I can pick her up tomorrow=)

Till tomorrow morning my lady...

-Q.

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Okay guys sorry for the delay,

Let me know if you like how its going our some character introductions you would like...

Review Please!=)!=)!=)!=)


	12. Chapter 12

Okay guys this chapter is pretty intense! **warning; suicide thoughts ( talk to people if ye have these please!**!)

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Quinn's Diary

OMG! when I picked Rach up she looked so lost...afraid and then I noticed she had a letter in her bag when she was looking for her water bottle, and noticed it had my name on it and when she wasn't looking I took it and went to the auditorium to read it...that's when i began crying and I ran to the bathroom and threw up my lunch... so I just ran to her and found her outside looking up at the sky with a soft smile on her face...it made my stomach turn to think she was going to do something like that to herself, so I gently took her hand and pulled her up and held her...I held her like it was the last time I was ever gonna do it...

I took her hand and pulled her towards my car, she had an adorable look of confusion on her face when I told her to get in...but at least she did it...I drove her to my house thankfully my mom was at work, and sat her on my couch and sat in front of her and took the letter she wrote out of my bag and gave it to her...

She looked as if someone had kicked her in the stomach, and I begged her to tell if all of it was true. and then she broke down...and told me everything and she begged me to let her go...

So that's when I cupped her face and kissed her, I tried to tell her everything I felt in that kiss I could taste our tears mixing and confessed that I loved her the same way and begged her to talk to me...

After our very long and very emotional chat I pulled her up of the couch and gently pulled her up the stairs and sat her down and told her she is staying the night and no arguments about it...

So that's how I woke with Rach in my arms,holding me like a lifeline...

Today were gonna talk about everything and take it from there...

-Q.

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Rachels letter to Quinn

Quinn,

Where do I begin, I guess you are wondering why I did this and why im giving you a letter as well. I guess ill start at the beginning, when I first layed eyes on you...I held my breath you were so so and still stunningly beautiful Quinn, but I knew you were more than that Quinn...you are funny, intelligent, talented, creative and so so much more...

I know we did'nt have the best start, but I could'nt help but feel my heart melt when you walked by or looked my way Quinn and then I realized I was falling in love with you...I know you could never return it..im actually laughing at this now because why would you even look at me that way hahaha " manhands'... you are probaly disgusted by the taught of me liking you like that..

Please don't feel guilty, this was not your fault or some gay panic thing, inside I was slowly dying Quinn I had no friends and I went home to an empty house day after day...some days no one would speak to me and other days I felt invisible...

When you asked if we could start over, my heart was like this is my last week so why not...and Quinn you made my last week the best i've ever had, at first I was afraid this was some joke but I believe now that you really did...

I know you could never return my feelings and I accept that, Quinn I know you owe me nothing but I want you to get out of Lima and live you dream and find someone and be happy..

Im in a better place now,

I will always and forever love you Quinn,

I love you,

Your's forever,

Rachel Barbra Berry*

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Okay that was intense and kind off difficult to write!

please leave a review to let me know if ye liked it our not!

Review please!it makes me happy to know your thoughts on this story..

Till next time

I do not own glee our the characters!


	13. Chapter 13

Rachels Diary

Me again,

I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach, I feel stupid for bringing my letter for Quinn to school with me, but if I needed to add to it, I could just write it down and not back out of what I was going to do.

When Quinn Kissed me, and told me she loved me my heart stopped and everything else faded away, and waking up in Quinns arms was...magical.

I feel as if Quinn feels sorry for me and just kissed me to stop me from doing what I was going to do, and that she may feel guilty for some reason, when she kissed me...it was everything and more than I imagined it would be...soft, tender,sweet delicate, and I could feel my heart race and melt and break at the same time, as if It just wanted to jump out of my chest and give itself to Quinn.

Waking up in Quinns arms this morning was...what I needed to feel, I felt happy...and I have'nt felt that in a while, Quinns arms wrapped around me warm and secure and safe,it was a nice change.

I dont know what I will do now...haha I never thought I'd be writing in this again, this could be my last...

-R.

Quinns Diary

I found Rach's Diary a few mins ago I do'nt know what to do, do I read it and see how she truly feels?..but then I'd be invading her privacy...I am so afraid to leave her out of my sight, it make me feels sick to think about what could of been.

She looks so adorable in my bed now sound asleep, cozy and warm...I could get use to that...im gonna crawl in and hold her now...

-Q.

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Okay yes its very short!, but im gonna put this story on hold for a while to let me think about where its going and to write longer!, but wont be forever could be a week or month...

Review please!

Also I have a new fic coming up soon and have another one up already...

-daybeforenight x.


	14. Chapter 14

Okay, sorry SORRY sorry, this is a tiny filler chapter till my writers block is over.

There is a lot of me in the first few lines I just had to get it of my chest...Anyway

Review Please!

* * *

Me again,

It feels like im drowning...to put it simple. Im tired of waiting for the good to come along and save me. I say feel...but do I feel. Am I reading too much into this and just pull my self together and get on with it and forget about being happy...that's healthy right? Put on the smile, hide behind am kissed me and I felt so alive! but how long will Quinn put up with me for?until some one better comes along.I do not want her feeling guilty. What will I do when she eventually drops me and then what will I do. Go back to slowly see myself being consumed by my thoughts in an empty house alone and afraid of the dark.

Maybe ill just say it to Quinn how I feel and see...

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If you feel depressed talk to some one...


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